


Game Night at Cauldron

by 989fox989



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/989fox989/pseuds/989fox989
Summary: Doctor Mother attempts to boost morale in Cauldron.It doesn't work.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33
Collections: play stupid games win stupid prizes





	Game Night at Cauldron

It's game night, the worst night of the week.

Doctor Mother thought that it would be a good idea to have game night every Saturday, so everyone at Cauldron could relax and blow off some steam. Relieve the stress of the coming apocalypse. This, as it turns out, was a terrible idea.

With all the powers at play, there was not a single game they could play that wouldn't give someone an unfair advantage. But Doctor Mother refused to admit to being wrong; so now every Saturday they play a game chosen at random, in hopes that it won't end too disastrously. Tonight is poker night.

Legend acts as the dealer. Hopefully, the cards will be shuffled in a fair manner, without Contessa and Eidolon using their powers to subtly manipulate Legend's shuffling.

With the cards shuffled, dealt, and looked at, the betting period begins.

There is a faint tapping noise, indicating that the Custodian is checking.

Contessa, who hasn't even looked at her cards, announces, “I'm going all in!” As she pushes all her chips into the center of the table.

Doctor Mother suppresses the desire to facepalm, its the first hand and already shit is being started.

Number Man sat in silent contemplation looking Contessa over. Number Man himself had a pair of Kings, the probability that he had a winning hand was much higher than the probability that Contessa had one, but her PTV told her to go all in. The question was:  
 _was that because she had a bad hand and needed to go all in to scare off those with better hands,_  
 _or was it because her hand was actually superior?_  
There was a higher probability that he had the superior hand, which meant he should call her bluff, except her PTV would have accounted for that… He realized that it was impossible for Contessa to be bluffing because even she had no idea what her hand was. No one did, except _possibly_ Eidolon, Clairvoyant, or the Custodian. Her PTV knew that she would win if she went all in. That means that if he called, her hand would be better than his, but if he folded her hand would be worse than his… probably. He thought for another moment and decided if she was going to win this hand anyways, it would be better if she won it in a way that wouldn’t knock him out. They weren’t playing for money, so it wasn’t a major issue if he lost, but there was a principle too it. He folded.

Doormaker and clairvoyant also folded. To be honest, Doctor Mother had no idea if they actually know how to play poker, or if they just followed Number Man's lead.

Alexandria attempts to read Contessa's face to see if she's bluffing but quickly comes to the same conclusion that Number Man came to: Contessa can't display any tells, because not even Contessa knows if she's bluffing or not. Alexandria sighs and folds her hand.

Legend considers calling so that the hand will continue past the first round, but decides it's best to fold.

Doctor Mother folds too. Contessa managed to steal the pot effortlessly. Hopefully, future rounds would be more interesting.

Eidolon looks towards Contessa, looks back at his hand, shrugs, and says:

“Yeah, I'll go all in.”

He pushed his large stack of chips to the center of the table.

Doctor Mother couldn't help but groan. She had no idea who was going to win this hand, but whoever lost was going to throw a hissy fit of epic proportions. She could only hope that it wouldn't end as badly as the great Pictionary debacle.

Contessa, meanwhile, sweated nervously. Her PTV couldn't tell her anything about Eidolon or whether she would beat him. She didn't even know what powers he brought to the table. She didn't even know _what her own hand was_. She raised her cards to take a quick peek.

A 2 of clubs and a 5 of diamonds

…

 _Oh God, I have no idea what the rules of poker are._ she thought to herself, _is this a good hand or a bad hand?_

  * **Path to knowing if Eidolon's hand is better than mine**


  * _Wait for the showdown_



_Thanks, PTV_

  * **Path to winning this hand**


  * _…_



_Nothing. Is that because of the Eidolon blank spot? Or because there's nothing I can do to win?_

_Actually, what am I supposed to do now?_

  * **Path to knowing how to play poker**


  * _Wait for the Custodian to finish her turn_


  * _Turn your cards over_


  * _Wait for Legend to reveal the river_



_So, literally nothing I can do at this point to increase my chances to win. Great._

The Custodian's cards were pushed forward, indicating a fold.

Contessa turns over her 2 and 5, and Eidolon turns over his cards: a Jack and 10 of spades.

“Seriously…” Number Man mumbles.

Contessa sat with a perfect poker face, even though it was too late for such a face to have any effect.

Legend flipped over three cards: The King of Diamonds, the Ace of Spades, and the 4 of clubs.

“ _Seriously…_ ” mutters an increasingly upset Number Man.

Contessa kept up her poker face as the next card turns over, this time a King of Spades. Eidolon chuckles.

Doctor Mother tensed as the final card was flipped over.

It was a 3.

Contessa stares blankly at the card.

  * **Path to knowing who won this hand**


  * _You did_



“Woohoo!”

Contessa ran about the room yelling in victory. Eidolon silently stood up and flew off in a complete daze. Number Man sobbed quietly. Legend sighed and dealt the next hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I'm terrible at poker because I can never remember which hands beat which, so I had to use a poker calculator to figure out what everyone's hands should be.  
> I have some ideas for which games Cauldron will play and how they'll inevitably go wrong. I'll probably post new chapters to this haphazardly. There isn't really an ending in mind, so theoretically I might continue to update this thing for years to come.


End file.
